These are the thoughts of a Texas transplant in West Michigan who makes his living as a newspaper reporter by evening, and a struggling novelist by day.

Friday, May 05, 2006

chemo again

i talked to my dad yesterday. he'd visited the doctor the day before to get the word on what is next with him.

it was determined he still had a tumor, a big one in his liver. the doctor wanted to see if it was possible to go in and burn it with some type of needle.

he consulted with other doctors and they said they wouldn't do it because the tumor was too close to his heart (on the upper dome of the liver). so that option was out.

the doctor told my dad he'd have to start chemo again. he starts monday.

in addition,my dad told the doctor he was feeling some pain in his upper torso area. the doctor said it was probably the tumor growing. so he gave my dad some pills (three in the morning and three in the evening) to get the tumore from growing.

apparently the tumor is also located in an area where blood flow isn't that great. the doctor thought that perhaps one of the reasons why that particular tumor didn't shrink is due to its location. another suggestion, then, is shooting some chemo right into the tumor and attacking it that way. we're still waiting for that option.

so looks like it's back to the chemo for my dad. i had gotten used to him not being on it. it was a nice few months and i really enjoyed that, especially after him being on the chemo fsince august.

he said he's mentally ready for it. he even asked if it was possible to continue feeding the cows hay bales. the doc. said he could as long as he wears a mask to prevent any of the dust from entering his nose or mouth.

i guess i have mixed feelings about my dad going back on chemo. as i said he looked so well off of it. but if he's begining to feel the pain and that one persistent tumor is growing, i suppose it'd for the best. i only want what's best for him and what makes him happy. if this is the route he wants, then i'm there. also, if there's a chance to knock this tumor down with some direct chemo, then i say do it.

here's wishing for the best.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

the faces in the crowd

i was surrounded by beautiful people last night.
they were squeezed tight in a circle at the park with the
darkening sky above and the lake behind them to the north.

they held a prayer in one hand and a candle
in the other, raising it and calling out "si se puede" over and
over again. it can be done. it can be done.

i saw young faces, unlined and innocent looking
up at older faces. dark brown eyes wide, looking in
all directions and wondering. just wondering. why. for what.

and old faces, hardened by the sun and hard work. faces
wrinkled through time and the elements. conviction in their eyes.
understanding in their eyes. their voices rang out in prayer and spiritual song.

in unison, they all raised the white candles. the sky kept darkening.
the clouds thickened. the streaks of orange disappeared from the sky.

scattered throughout was the color white. shirts and pants and hats.
a sea of white, like a beacon of light, lit up the crowd. it was for unity.
for solidarity.

the sky kept darkening. the candle flames illuminated, defined the crowd.

those eyes, hopeful, full of strength. knowing. wanting.
those faces, so beautiful, together, a common goal, unity,

"que bellos son los ojos de la gente; dejame tocarlos ojos que han visto
so soles de manana y de tardiada. dejame tocar las caras llenas de linas del trabajo duro. que bellas las caras esas. quiero tener esas caras en mis brazos."