news from dad

dad had an appointmetn with the oncologist wednesday. i waited all day until he finally called me during work. the news isn't great.

he got the results from his blood test and his cancer marker went up from 1 to 5. not good. in addition, it appears the small tumors in his liver are growing. the big one is still there, the heavy dosage of chemo not having helped last week.

so there are several ways they're going to try and tackle this now.
first, the oncologist is waiting to see if it's posible to inject a dose of chemo into the large tumor that's in the upper left-hand side of my dad's liver. that might help that big tumor shrink.
second, the doc. is going to increase the dosage of chemo by 50 (dunno if its milligrams or what). since my dad experienced only slight nausea and some diarrhea, it meant the chemo wasn't strong enough. the doc said increasing it should cause him to experience more severe symptoms like outbreaks on his skin.
third, he's going to make an appointment with specialists at m.d. anderson in houston.

i don't know how to feel about the new developments. dad sounded fine when he called me. i mean, i've acepted his cancer and all, but i had wished it would have diminished some after the two-month absence of chemotherapy. apparently not. i'd like for them to inject the large tumor with chemo. i'm cool with it. also, increasing the dosage is fine, even though he's going to experience more severe side-effects. i'm wary of the doc now saying he wants a trip up to houston. i had wanted that to begin with, but that never transpired. now, it's here. why? second opinon? i wish that had been done nine months ago.

we'll see where this new path takes my family. i think everyone has pretty much accepted the situation. hell, it's been almost a year since he was diagnosed with the colon cancer and subsequent tumor. later next month will be the one-year anniversary of his surgery. shit, times flies.

i don't mind times passing like it was never even here. but with my dad this way, i'd lke for it to slow down a bit, give him and us more time to chat, visit and laugh. give him more time to play with the grandkids and see them grow up a little. emma grace is only a couple of months old. she needs to have some memories of her grandpa.

i was going to turn five when my grandfather died. yet, i have very few memories of him. it's quite sad, really. he lived less than 25 yards from my house and i saw him every day, i'm sure. i know he loved me (i've been told many times). i just wish i would have gotten to know him enough to form good solid memories instead of images and still photos in my brain. they don't do him justice.

that's what i wish for emma grace. i think my other niece (lorena, 9) and my nephew (ricardo 7) will remember him and will have plenty of memories of my dad.

only time will tell.