These are the thoughts of a Texas transplant in West Michigan who makes his living as a newspaper reporter by evening, and a struggling novelist by day.

Monday, March 06, 2006

when will i be old enough to understand?

ok, i'm going to whine or complain or vent here. so if you don't want to read it, skip it.

i was talking to my mom late sunday afternoon. doing the bi-weekly call thing. the conversation meandered here and there. it started fine. then it started to fragment. i know when it starts to happen and i should just stop it and hang up. but i didn't do it in time.

she asked if i had called up my uncle who'd been sick with something or other. she suggestd i call a few weeks ago. i didn't commit. she asked again yesterday if i'd called and i said no. i said it was fake for me to call. i never really talk to him and i felt calling out of the blue would be odd and i'd think they'd know i calle donly because i was told.

so she says, well, it's because you're not old enough to understand yet.

hmmm, when the hell am i going to be old enough to understand? when i'm 40? 50? 60? i have the feeling, i'd still get the same response if i failed to do something she wanted me to do. i must've heard that same phrase now for the past 15 years, at least. or the variation of "when you're older, you'll understand."

no, i understand just fine. i've understood, in fact, for a very long time. i will make my own determination when and if i should make a phone call or otherwise. if it's one thing i don't like, it's being bossed around and told what to do, especially by my mom, who still thinks i'm a kid who can't do for himself.

it's getting to the point where i'm going to burst and let her know taht i think i'm old enough to understand and to stop using that cliche phrase that drives me nuts.

soon after, she went into something ridiculous that i won't mention here because of it's silly implications. however, it just illustrates what a bad turn our conversation took.

"let the wings of the butterfly extend/ let them flap lazily, together and apart/let the wings take flight and carry on that colorful beast away/ carry it far and wide, above the trees and homes, the current at its back/ let them carry it forth beyond the horizon 'til it can't be seen no more/and keep faith, for those wings will carry it far/a free spirit in the wind/a free spirit in the world."