These are the thoughts of a Texas transplant in West Michigan who makes his living as a newspaper reporter by evening, and a struggling novelist by day.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

infomercials...aren't they captivating

i find myself sitting in front of the tv at times, eyes drawn to the screen, silly look on my face and oblivious to all around me. that is, until i hear dawn say, "why are you watching that?"

yes, my friends, it's the infomercial, that 30-minute commercial that advertises knives, footwear and ladders, just to name a few items.

i don't know why i sit there and watch them. i'm certainlynot going to fork over the moolah for the damned product. and most times, i find the people who appear on these commercials totally dorky, stupid and ridiculous, both in their comments and their appearance.

it started wtih the stupid rotesserie that cooks food in a healthy way by turning the chunk of ham or hamburger patties, causing the grease to drip down. theere's the stupid phrase that goes along with it. "put it in, turn the knob, and forget about it." after awhile the audience gets into it and starts repeating the catch phrase.

there's the infomercial about the knifes. the guy selling the product touts them as the toughest knives in the universe. one can cut through leather and still slice tomatoes. it's a great deal. something like 1,000 knives for a meager price of $19.99 or something like it.

there's the silly 200 ladders in one thing. al from tool time on that silly tv comedy is on it, along with some blond and some tough-looking guy selling the ladder. they get the crew to stand on the ladder at one time. i often wonder what would happen if the guy standing on the rung above you farted. it's be great. right in your face, too. they even get this expert to come in and test the ladder. he makes all of these positive sounds and grunts, does push-ups on the thing, and finally gives his approval.

then there's the medical infomercials. one touts this great concoction that cleans out your guts for a great, thick bowel movement. these folks look serious when they talk, too. how can anyone talk about a bowel movement being the size of a person's wrist and not laugh. another medical infomercial discusses a book that has the cures for many things such as cancer and arthritis and a shitload of other medical conditions. it's often on during the day after the noon news. the guy on there doesnt' tell you any of the cures. you have to shell out the bucks for it. the interchange between the two goofballs is funny. and i find myself sitting there watching them.

and through all of this insanity, i sit and watch. very often dawn catches me so i don't waste the full 30 minutes on it. god bless dawn.

i know these things are stupid. i know i'm not buying a product and i think the people in the commercials are fools. yet, there i am, also the fool, watchign the freakign thing.

the question is: if we had the green, would i whip out the credit card and order one of these products? hmmmm, i just don't know.

in the meantime, they'll still be on tv and i guess if i catch one, i'll stop and check it out again for the 100th time.


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