These are the thoughts of a Texas transplant in West Michigan who makes his living as a newspaper reporter by evening, and a struggling novelist by day.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

and so it goes on

i talked to my parents today. turns out my dad did get in to see the oncologist wednesday morning. they didn't get the news they wanted. my mom was disappoitned.

my dad's cancer marker went up slightly, though they're not starting him on chemo again. his next appointment will be april 6.

my mom asked several questions about the cancer. my dad can't get rid of the tumors or have a piece of his liver excised because the tumoers were spread out. it would be useless to do anything. also, since the cancer marker went up, there'sa big chance it will continue to rise. the oncologist said he still has a 5 percent chance of making it through it. not much of a chance. but at least there's that. the doc. said he hopes it doesn't return, but in most cases it comes back and chemo has to start again.

i, too, was saddened by the news. i talked to my dad earlier in the day and then my mom called me later and we spoke for a bit. i got a little emotional there talking to her. it's hard, man. i guess you never think it would come to something like this with the folks. i'm certaily not alone in this. some of you reading this have probalby lost a parent or parents. it's a crazy thing.

things start running through your head. will he live through another christmas or see his grandkids grow a little more. will the new grandchild, emma grace, be old enough to know who her grandfather was. will she have those memories as she grows old. it almost seems unfair that something like this should coincide with the birth of my niece.

my paternal grandparents died when i was young. my grandfather died when i was about to turn 5 and my grandmother died when i was 9. but i still have memories of them. not much, but they're in there somewhere and i do think of them sometimes. i only wish my niece, lorena, and nephew, ricardo, will keep those memories. and we'll see about emma grace.

i am talking like my dad's aready dead. he's not. but it might be inevitable and i guess i'm just being pensive.

let us see what the next few months bring with him and the wretched disease. perhaps a switch will turn and reverse the process. only time will tell.


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