terms of endearment

yes, i know, i'm publishing blog entries like no tomorrow. i just feel like it sometimes. and since it's my blog, i can do that.

i watched "terms of endearment" today and didn't know what to expect, except it was based on a book by larry mcmurtry (a fellow texan) and it won lots of oscars. . i read the back of the movie case cover and it said a weepy drama. i didn't understand why. i watched half of it or so and still didn't get it, although i enjoyed it.

then things started falling apart. emma (debra winger) was diagnosed with cancer. i didn't see this coming. obviously this hits home for me. and it did. i'll admit to getting weepy here and there. i got a tad moist around the eyes when garrett (jack nicholson) showed up after he'd roken off with aurora (shirley maclaine). and of course i got weepy when emma talked to her kids for the last time while she was in the hospital.

that got me particularly because she rattled off a list of things she did for her older son. "remember when i bought you that baseball glove when we didn't have money," and a bunch of other things she said for him to remember that she cared for him and did things for him. and not to feel bad when he remembered some of the bad things he'd said to her while she was still alive.

i, of course, started thinking of my dad. and you know what? those are things that come to mind, the times when you treated your parents badly or stupidly for no reason. the times when they bought you that gove and they couldnt' afford it.

aside here: when i was in the second- or third-grade my parents bought me this cheapie glove since a lot of kids in school had gloves for baseball. that's all they could afford. kids made fun of it and i put it in my desk at school and didn't use it for physical educatin when we played. to this day i feel so bad over that. they did their best with what they had. i felt ashamed. schools kids laughed at me for that. and now i think the're all asses for that. but i blame myself, too. such an insecure kid i was.

yes, i'm sure we've all done things to merit the wrath of our parents, we're all human, after all. but i think we shouldn't take them for granted, either.

after getting bad news of my dad's cancer this past week (cancer marker went from 2 to 4), i was told later that the PA who helped them out (the oncologist was out), treated them roughly. he bluntly told my dad he was in stage four and ther was no cure for it, after telling them the cancer marker went up. when it was time to ask for another scheduled date for blood work, he nonchalantely said "what's another day (to wait)?' then he proceeded to say something to my dad about dying.

that insensitive prig left my parents very shaky after that. he should be lashed for talking that way to someone who has cancer. so unprofessional. he even told my dad "oh, i see you brought your daughter with you today." his attempt at wit or cute humor failed. it was my mom who was with my dad. what an asshole.

i was so angry when my sister told me this. however, after talking to my dad today,. i feel better. he and mom are telling the oncologist what this ass said, but he isn't taking it to heart. he told me tonight having the cancer doesn't prevent him from sleeping or from doing small tasks around the ranch. i was overjoyed to hear him say that.

about that glove, pop, you did just fine. i appreciate that you thought of me and bought it for me even when we couldn't really afford it. that's what a caring dad does. i apologize for not standing up and flipping off those sonsof bitches who laughed at me. love.