These are the thoughts of a Texas transplant in West Michigan who makes his living as a newspaper reporter by evening, and a struggling novelist by day.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

who's the guy passed out on the lawn?

i had a weird wake-up call tuesday morning. first my cat is making a big fuss by a window facing the front of the house. it was annoying but i ignored her, despite her persistence at pawing at the window glass.

so i'm getting back to sleep when i hear this pounding on the exterior door. like the cat fussing, i ignore it, putting my head back on the pillow. but much like the cat, the door pounding persists.

it's morning because the sun is out but it's early. i had gone to bed at 2 that morning,s oi was groggy. i put my glasses on and headed out to the porch to check it out.

i unlocked the house door and saw someone dressed in either dark blue or black on the front steps. i knew immediately it was a cop. i stepped out and met him at the door.

(i will refer to the party in question as M.B. to protect the individual. and no M.B. is not a certain coworker by the same initials, although it would have been funny as hell if it was him.)

he says,"are you M.B.'s brother?"
me: "no."
cop: "do you know M.B.?"
me: "no."
cop:"there's a guy passed out on the lawn and he said his borother lives here."
me: "all my family's in texas. no one lives upstairs. i don't know anyone by the name M.B."
cop: "ok. what's your last name."
me: (i tell him.)

so i went back to bed, but i could still hear the noise outside. i guess some drunk guy, here to be known as M.B., had a few too many drinks and passed out on our front lawn. i guess the neighbors going to work must has seen the guy and possibly thought he was dead. that would have been interesting, having yellow tape around my front lawn.

i have drank my fair share of booze in the past but i've never drank to the point where i just simply passed out somewhere, then claim my brother lived in the nearest house i can point to. if this had bene winter, poor M.B. would have been a human popsicle outside. might have made a nice ice sculpture, at least until the temperature got above freezing.