These are the thoughts of a Texas transplant in West Michigan who makes his living as a newspaper reporter by evening, and a struggling novelist by day.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

dear cancer

dear cancer,
just a note to you. it's been two weeks since you killed my father. i figured it's been enough time to write you without containing expletives the whole way through - though i guarantee there will be some aimed your way.

before you were found in my dad's colon and then his liver, you lived far from thoughts. you'd infiltrated other families, caused their loved ones to slowly detiorate and die. you hadn't really even made my periphery and thought not at all of you. why should i? you hadn't decided tomake your way into my world. we left each other alone.then 2 1/2 years ago out of nowhere, you made your way toward my father in the form of colon cancer, one of your common sick-ass identities you assume.

and so i became acquainted with you, only a little at first, though.soon it became evident you were playing for keeps as the doctors said you were in stage four, at you best. you'd made your way through the colon's walls and settled into the liver, living in there nice and smug to be found -- just too late to dealt with.but a valient effort was made to rid you of my dad. several operations were attempted with the first one ridding your demented self from the colon. still, other operations to rid you from the liver failed.

i'm sure you laughed. after all, you felt safe. chemicals were poured into my dad aimed at the liver, and ultimately you. you were pushed back. you probalby screamed as you shrank, believing you'd been bested. this time we had a laugh on you. you didn't like it. like the asshole disease you are, you fought back, stronger this time, spreading through the liver. you gave us the finger. there was nothing we could do but watch as you had your way with my dad. and you loved it.

at the end? you did what you could, causing him to deteriorate to nothing. still, he fought you. and he fought you. until the very end. then you won, sort of, anyway.

i'd like you to know that you took a precious part of my life. you took away the father i loved, the man that was a rock. you caused him to feel pain and complain about pain when he never otherwise would have complained. you caused him to forget, to lose his hair, to lose weight, to lose energy. you caused him to die in such an undignified manner that i hated to see him lying in bed. and i hated you for it.

i cursed the day you entered our lives. you took a man away from his wife of 37 years,a father of three children who will forever miss his wry comments and sense of humor and you took away the loving grandfather to three young children, one who will barely, but probably never remember her "papa." and you took away the grandfather of any future grandchild that should come to this familly.

you robbed all of us of someone treasured and loved. yet, you never took away his will to live. he wanted to live so badly that he fought and fought. had you been detected lurking in my father even a year before, you would have been bested, i think. because he would have fought to stay alive.

you are a hateful disease that takes by any means possible. you have no shame, whether it be young or old, man, woman or child. you go about your business destroying lives and families. and you care not what happens in your aftermath. it's all about you after all?

i have to say, though, that you are a stupid disease. yes, you are. in your zeal to destroy living beings, you also are the doer of your own demise. you kill yourself in the process of killing the host you are in. this is the solace i take. you did yourself in while killing my father. you ate and ate and then had nowhere to go. you died, too. and yes your other identities are out there, but you, you who was in my father, is dead.

so fuck you, you stupid prick.



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